Tag Archives: Michelangelo

“TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: MUTANT MAYHEM” Review (✫✫✫1/2)

Cowa-freaking-bunga. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem is the best ninja turtles movie we’ve ever gotten. Yes, even better than the classic 1990’s film. Like the turtles themselves, TMNT: Mutant Mayhem is bursting with personality, energy, off-kilter comedy, high-kicking ninja action, and a ton of heart. It may deviate slightly from the source material, but the essence of the turtles is all here. Or maybe it’s more appropriate to say “ooze.”

Retelling the classic turtles story for the modern age, TMNT: Mutant Mayhem follows our four teenage mutants as they grow up wanting to live a life beyond the sewer. When they were very little, their father Splinter (Jackie Chan) raised Leonardo (Nicolas Cantu), Donatello (Micah Abbey), Raphael (Brady Noon), and Michelangelo (Shamon Brown Jr.) to fear the surface world and trained them in the martial arts to defend themselves. But while Leo wants to follow his father’s wishes, his brothers are always getting into trouble whether they’re ordering extra pizza, sneaking out to the movies, or breaking windows with their ninja stars.

One day, the quartet of brothers get an idea — if they help bring in a master criminal who is threatening New York City, the world will see that they’re not monsters and will accept them as one of their own. The problem is they need to catch “The Superfly” (Ice Cube), a mass murderer whose face nobody has ever seen. With their nunchucks, katanas, sai, and bo staff in hand, the turtles come together to prove that humans don’t need to be afraid of mutants.

One of the things I’ve always loved about the turtles is that it’s a story about outsiders. Much like the Hulk and the X-Men, the turtles are a family of misunderstood heroes who are feared and hated by society just because they’re different from them. Yet, despite the fear and hatred they experience on a daily basis, the turtles always strive to do the right thing. Not because it personally benefits them or because it makes others see them differently, but just because it is the honorable thing to do.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem is a different story. While other TMNT adaptations have traditionally emphasized the “mutant” or “ninja” side of the turtles, Mutant Mayhem instead fully embraces the teenage aspect and allows them to be much more mischievous, rebellious, and even a little reckless — just like real teenagers are. We’ve seen action-hero turtles beat up a bunch of highly-trained assassins, as well as stealthy ninja turtles who silently stalk their prey at night. I’ve never seen a turtles movie where their biggest concerns are high school crushes, pizza toppings, and searching for a place to belong. That makes them so much more relatable and humanizes them to the point where we don’t see them as mutants, ninjas, or turtles, but rather as kids confused and hurt by a world that hates them so much.

I also love the animation in this movie. While clearly inspired by the recent success of Into The Spider-Verse, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem carries its own gross and pulpy influence that feels like it’s popping straight out of the pages of an Eastman & Laird comic book. The lines are scratchy and unrefined, yet illustrate whole and complete pictures. The character designs look uneven and bizarre, but emphasize specific traits relating to their personalities and mutations. And the frame rate is gorgeous, moving and flowing like a waterfall of heavily saturated colors. Remember how Spider-Punk looked in Across The Spider-Verse? Picture that for the entire movie, and you’d come pretty close to what it’s like watching Mutant Mayhem.

And in a day and age where the weakest part of most movies are the villains, I’ve got to give special credit to Ice Cube’s portrayal of Superfly. His arc mirrors that of the turtles in that he too is a mutant who has always been shunned by society, but he doesn’t possess the moral compass that they do — mainly because he never had a father figure in his life to teach him the difference between right and wrong. The fact that he and the turtles share the same struggles while simultaneously divided on their values makes their conflict so much more personal and compelling.

The best part? Superfly is a wholly original villain. While partially influenced by Baxter Stockman, Superfly did not exist in turtles media prior to this movie. It’s so refreshing to see an original idea work so well in a popular franchise, especially when many other live-action movie villains fail to be as interesting or intimidating.

The fast-paced ninja action you know and love is all here, and personally, I would argue some of the movie’s crazier action sequences are more exciting than even the live-action movies are. The pop-culture references are clever and copious, further emphasizing the teenage aspect of the turtles. And the comedic bits are spot-on and hilarious. This is probably the funniest ninja turtles movie we’ve ever seen, and the best part is it doesn’t have to sacrifice its serious or darker tones in order to remain fun and entertaining.

There are some differences from the source material that will bother some die-hard fans, namely with how the turtles acquire their ninja skills and how the movie ends. For me, changes are justified if they add to the characters and the world they’re living in, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem is filled with wild, gross, and weird characters that you quickly learn to fall in love with. Imagine all of the kids out in the world right now who sometimes feel as lost, afraid, and alone as Leo, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie do. And imagine how inspired they must feel when they look down the sewers knowing that they too can be a ninja turtle.

Tagged , , , , , ,

“TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (2014)” Review (✫)

Thankfully, they’re not aliens. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is in complete and utter shambles, a movie that can’t decide on what it wants to be and not much better on how it wants to accomplish that. At times, it’s a loud and obnoxious action movie that takes its characters and their situations seriously. At other times, it’s so campy and immature it might as well be the Nickelodeon cartoon series. Wait, I take that back, that’s a dishonor to the Nickelodeon cartoon series. I don’t know what sort of movie I was expecting out of something titled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but I would have taken anything over this travesty.

Based (somewhat) on Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s comic-book creations, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles follows the story of April O’Neil (Megan Fox), a struggling news reporter who is looking to uncover the criminal conspiracy of the Foot Clan, a team of specialized military-trained soldiers who fight for their master, Shredder (Tohoru Masamune). Shredder is tyrannical Japanese warlord who wants nothing more but to rule New York City, and like all dark and obscure bad guys, he’ll stop at nothing until he gets what he’s after. But April’s not alone in this fight; she also has her pet rat and turtles by her side, her little friends she’s cared for since they were experimented on by her father when she was just a little girl.

…What? Yes, dear readers, they changed the origin story. After Mr. O’Neil discovered how the dangerous turtle weapons were going to be used for destructive purposes, he sets his lab ablaze, killing himself and destroying all of his hard work. Just before the turtles could be destroyed, however, April saves her small friends from the fire and they escape into the sewers. (Question: Since the fire is so hot that it consumes her father nearly instantly, how is it that  6-year old April manages to not only get into the lab, but also avoid the fire, grab the turtles, get out of the lab, and get back onto the pavement with a little ash makeup spread onto her face for good measure?)

As years pass, the rat and turtles mature into giant-sized humanoid creatures who teach themselves the art of ninjutsu, thanks to a book they fished out of the garbage and the convenience the script allowed them. The rat named Splinter (Tony Shalhoub) trained his sons Leonardo (Johnny Knoxville), Raphael (Alan Ritchson), Donatello (Jeremy Howard) and Michelangelo (Noel Fisher), knowing one day that they would need to fight the Shredder and defend New York City.

Where do I even begin with this? For starters, the script is unreliable, an immature, idiotic and thinly-written-and-thought-out mess that has plot holes the size of Swiss cheese and is as convenient as the dollar store. I could be cheap and pick apart the small things in the story, like what compelled the scientists to pick turtles as their experiments of mass destruction?

That, however, is too easy. It’s much more fun to pick apart the bigger holes in the plot, including:

  1. The fact that there is no way that Splinter, as a regular lab rat, could know anything about the Shredder or what he was plotting for him and the turtles.
  2. That since Shredder is a highly-skilled ninja, there is no reason why his foot clan shouldn’t be at least slightly trained in the arts either.
  3. That to convince her editor-in-chief that there are living, fighting humanoid ninja turtles in New York City she shows her a picture of a turtle she pulled off of Google images, not the pictures she took on her smart phone.
  4. That since Shredder is after the mutagen in the turtles’ blood, he wouldn’t spare Raphael and abandon him after he beat him to a pulp and cracked his shell.
  5. That to rescue his brothers when they were kidnapped halfway through the movie that Raphael, April and her camera man Vernon (Will Arnett) drive to rescue them in the snow mountains that apparently exist 50 minutes outside of Manhattan.

Oh yes, this script is a mess, and the actors do a nice job at making it even more laughable through their complacent, boring and plastic performances that could be played better by action figures. Any actor who was not a CGI character was completely wasted in a sea of bad dialogue and bland delivery, looking like victims to the screenplay and to the movie that they’re playing in. William Fichtner is hesitantly the best performance as an evil scientist, but his character is so plainly forgettable that it is almost completely wasted. Arnett is more charismatic and smirking as the camera man, but the dialogue he sputters is so unbelievably written at times that it hardly matters. (Ex. When told that your city’s vigilantes are giant turtles, is your first reaction to seriously ask if they’re aliens? I’m frankly surprised he didn’t laugh when April told him her crazy story.)

But the worst performance of the film is Megan Fox’s. Oh. My. God. What is she doing in the movie industry? Her performance was both disinterested and disingenuous, her expression looking as stiff and uncomfortable as if she came out of a facelift surgery. Fox is not a good actress. I say it again: Fox is not a good actress. Good-looking, yes, but looks only make half of a character, and she doesn’t fit April in neither appearance or spirit. In the 1990 film we had Judith Hoag portraying April, and boy, did she bring energy and enthusiasm to the character. Now we have Fox reading a teleprompter to replace the performance, and I start wondering if it would be better if April was recast as a Barbie doll in the movie.

Yes, the turtles, Splinter and Shredder look cool, and there’s a very sweet action sequence where they are sliding down the snow mountains that I will admit to have enjoyed. But in a visually-dominated industry, visual effects are a compliment I’m recycling at this point. Visual effects and fight scenes are wasted if you have a terrible plot, and in this case, where the bad guy’s master plan is to intoxicate a city with a poisonous gas by smashing a tower over it (an idea stolen from The Amazing Spider-man, by the way), I’m not inclined to say that the movie has much good of anything.

I know there is an audience for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and the majority of them will probably be under 12. The ones over that age will have grown up with the franchise, and will be looking for some sort of nostalgic experience to remind them of what it was like to grow up with the ninja turtles. I too went in hoping to feel some sort of nostalgia, but as the movie went on, I continued to notice that all of my hopes were running down the sewer.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,